As I'm falling asleep, I'm singing in my head a song from Man of LaMancha. I believe its title is something about a barber or a golden helmet of monbrino.
Whatever the title, the lyrics to one bit go like this, sung by the barber: Though you may clean and shaven, you will need me soon I know. For the Lord protects his barbers and he makes the stubble grow.
This leads to the very obvious idea that a group of barbers and hairdressers would make a perfect lobbying group to convince the U.S. government to undergo a serious re-examination of its nuclear weapon capabilities and to largely or completely disarm or destroy all weapons of mass destruction (hereon referred to as WMD because it's easier to type and infinitely more absurd.).
I shall explain my reasoning. One of the first symptoms of radiation exposure is hair loss. Chunks of hair will disappear into the teeth of the exposed person's comb. If this should happen due to a nuclear explosion, what would the hairdressers and barbers do? No hair equals no haircuts. Thus, I believe it would be in the best interest of all hair care professionals to enlist in an open protest on Washington.
Perhaps it would be called Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow? or something similarly bizarre that would end up being stuck in some high ranking official's mind. I bet they could even get Ronald Reagan (he had a lot of hair) to endorse it. Amusing, I think, since he was responsible for much of the build up and then some of the disarming.
A letter campaign would work as well. Each letter could have a lock of hair with a black ribbon tied around it. The letter could say, "I'm an American! You hold in your hand a lock of hair, the only thing keeping me from starvation and a cold nuclear winter.
No nukes! How dare you destroy my social safety net and consume my social security benefits with your WMD! You're lucky this isn't anthrax!"
It may be strident, but oh dear me, I don't care at all. The letter might need work as the mention of anthrax might bring in the black helicopters and the secret scary police who don't really exist.
Posted by dotty at July 16, 2003 01:14 AM