Dotty Parker

hapless helena

I'm watching The Incredible Hulk on tv. The Hulk just threw a grizzly bear fifty feet after their championship deathmatch.

The Hulk is trying to save the life of a girl who believes she cannot walk. The girl is also being poisoned by her step-mother. If the girl dies, the step-mother gets all the money from "a multi-million dollar corporation."

So the girl can't walk, but Dr. David the Hulk believes she can if she really wants to. But no! She pouts that she cannot! So Dr. David has to carry her.

He has to carry her for SEVEN miles. I say leave her whining butt on the ground and get out of there.

Oh dear! They're in quicksand now. And she got out, but David's still stuck in it. And he's turned into the Hulk! And she can't stand up to help him. But guess what! She's trying to stand! And her whining is going to kill the Hulk. I should probably mention that she's a lovely looking young woman whose clothes are clinging to her now since she's just come out of the mud.

Dammit, why the hell do these frail creatures get stuck in the mud or on an iceberg or on a hijacked plane? It doesn't even matter that they're frail or slim or whatever. They just have to be female. The plot relies on their femininity.

If they're female, you see, they can play the "I'm just a girl! I need help!" This is a most irritating thing to watch, but incredibly useful when necessary.

The first time I understood the power was when I worked at Burger King for the summer between high school and college. It's a gross, greasy, dirty, salty job no matter which part of it is yours, but the two grossest parts are taking out the trash and cleaning the bathrooms.

Being a girl, there was no way I was going to get out of cleaning the bathrooms. But taking out the trash, especially the overflowing trash where you have to push the trash back into the can before you can take out the bag (ewwwwwww), now there's a great place to use the "I'm just a girl" play. The trash really is heavy. That's not a joke. And going to the dumpster in the dark is scary. Especially when you're just a helpless little girl destined to star in an episode of The Incredible Hulk. An episode where you learn to walk.

So the boy, some boy, doesn't matter which boy, has to take out the trash. Just like the Hulk and his friend Michael, the old drunken man who has a heart of gold and kicks the drinking habit for the benefit of the lass who has surprising medical knowledge and can remove the venom from the leg of the old man, just like they have to care for her until the job's done and they can all go home, where ever home may be.

Posted by dotty at July 24, 2003 06:59 PM