Dotty Parker

H=P+D

Humor equals pain plus distance. Thus, watching slapstick comedy is funny because the pain isn't yours and maybe you don't believe it's real. But you won't know because it's far away from you.

SuperMarkAdMan told me about that. He said that's the old definition. The new definition is "off beat and quirky". It's really quite a lot to be both. Someone who is quirky seems to march to his own drummer, thus being entirely on beat. Someone who's off beat just somehow is different and weird. They aren't mutually exclusive, but if you're talking about a brief advertisement, you can't get those subtleties across. I say pick a word, and stick with it.

I've been thinking about how I don't write some of the stories in my head because they just aren't entertaining. They're the kinds of things that people really don't want to hear about. Not really. At least I don’t like to hear about those things. I don't watch many reality shows (although I'll admit to watching "Last Comic Standing"). We sit and watch people get humiliated and it's entertainment.

Not in Dotty's world, buddy.

I advocate strong family values, high moral fiber (it's good for your colon and your soul). And maybe a corporate sponsorship.

But to get back to H=P+D, the stories that I omit (and despite rumors to the contrary, I do leave some things out) are kind of getting funny over time. The problem is that they still sound a little bit tragic, a little bit too uncomfortable to be "quirky" or "off beat". So I want to know how long it takes for things that might be a little bit painful to get funny.

Example: In kindergarten we did a Christmas play. There were a few kids in the official play, and the rest of us sat on the steps that led up to the stage. The kid who played Santa (also in kindergarten) looked older than he was. So he got the part of the dad who was pretending to be Santa. He did his excellent job as Dad and so when he turned into Santa walked on stage saying, "Merry Christmas!" it should have been magical! But his beard had come off most of the way and the entire audience started laughing. He made a big, "huuuuuuuh!" sound and had a goofy shocked look on his fact. The teacher pulled him offstage and rearranged his face (ha ha ha). He was a trouper and came back out and did his show.

Did it bother him? I don't know. But if it did, I would bet that by now he's gotten over it and he could tell the story and think it was pretty funny. That's twenty-something years of distance.

Example: When I was a little girl, I was trying out new words. So when I was really angry with BellyRub I shouted into the other room something like, "Bring me the toy since it's fuck mine anyway?!"

It wasn't funny when my father yelled in a quavering voice, "Dooooooooottttty, what did you say?" But now it's very funny. Very funny indeed. Bad language and poor grammar. Ief they culd see me know.

There are, of course, a thousand more. The ones I can think of today are mostly the ones that aren't funny yet. Some are on the cusp of funny. I've got two that are damn funny, but I'm not sure about their appropriateness. Some of the people in my wedding party heard about it and through their giggles and snorts said, "Why didn't you tell us?! That's great!" I was embarrassed, but quietly pleased that the story would one day be funny.

Or maybe we were drunk.

So maybe the equation needs a substance impairment coefficient.

H=P+D

Now that I look at the equation carefully, I'm convinced that it would have to be significantly more complex as there would be diminishing returns and possibly a constant in there to account for generational rediscovery etcera.

So I can't place the coefficient. But I know it's in there. Maybe just tacking it on to the beginning so it's X*H=P+D would work. The drunker the funnier. Maybe. Am I babbling?

You bet your boots.

Posted by dotty at August 14, 2003 02:30 PM