Dotty Parker

da girl from da school

I knew it would happen one day. I did know it. I knew that it would happen when I least expected it, in a way that I would not have anticipated. I didn't know it would happen now.

I got the stupid alumni magazine from my university (go Wake Forest! Woo Hoo!). Generally speaking, this goes right into the recycling, but this time, because I was eating my lunch or procrastinating or something at the table where my mail arrives, I was reading the back of the magazine where they list accomplishments of people who have sent their accomplishments to the Alumni Office.

Usually it's marriages and babies and big, fancy jobs. Sometimes it's a job that doesn't sound so fancy, but I guess the person must be really proud of it. Most of the time, I don't know a single person in there.

This time, though, I knew somebody. Not only did I know somebody, but I had a class with her. Not only did I have a class with her, but she wrote a book about that class. Not only did she write a book, but she's completely and totally annoying. In my opinion, of course. I'm sure she's perfectly nice, but not necessarily to me.

DaGirl FromDaSchool is her name. She wrote a book called My Teacher, My Secret Paranoid Fear
That
She Will Find Me and Beat Me Up. It sort of has a web site www.mtma.net

I shall reprint the copy describing the book right here:

Erudition is a process. What is learned in the present often has more meaning during your life experiences, which have yet to come. Candid and concise, My Teacher, My Secret Paranoid Fear
That
She Will Find Me and Beat Me Up illustrates this point.
The book begins with a description of the author’s initial encounter with college teaching. Abridged excerpts from the author’s learning journal, while under the tutelage of Professor Angelou, then follow. At the end, a personal Learning Journal is included for the reader. Explicit suggestions are given to initiate the reflection and writing process.
Adapted from the educational diary of a former student, this book is evocative and refined, a poignant narrative of few words and high impact. Celebrate and share the pleasure that evolves through learning and self discovery.
Yeah. I will bet you a bajillion dollars that she wrote this herself. Now, let's read the preview of the text, shall we?

Free Preview:
Indeed, it was that first day of my initial encounter with college teaching when her words finally resonated within my psyche. I recall how she spoke them with fervor and quiet fortitude: I am a human being, nothing human is alien to me. Attributing the phrase to Plubius Terentius Afer, a former slave in the ancient Roman Empire, she explained that beyond our differences, there are human conditions that affect us all.

Contentment

Love

Greed

Envy

Anger

Fear

Atonement

Desire for Liberation.

Oh, I think she might have forgotten a few. Hmm, perhaps I should drop in a snide listing of my own. But I'm already so close to reaching the end of the road to hell, that I might need to take the old musical tacit approach. Perhaps I should be inspired that she tried to list the many facets of the human condition(s). Perhaps I should be. But I'm not.

This girl was legendary. Everybody knew who she was. She made speeches in every dormitory on campus. She alienated the listeners in every dormitory on campus. In a residence hall thing I attended to please my resident advisor, she began by saying, "Good evening, everyone!" When we murmured back "Good evening." She said, "Now! We can do better than that! Good evening, everyone!" (Have you read the latest Harry Potter book? Sound a little like Dolores Umbridge?) Later that same hubris filled evening she said she had visited "the Côte d'Ivoire, or Ivory Coast to you." Ah ha! That's what that meant all those times I thought they were using a secret language!

How silly is it of me to still be irritated with this woman for something she didn't really do? Pretty damn silly. She was just being herself. I was the one who took it as a personal offense. As I said, it's pretty damn silly of me. But then she's pretty damn silly, too.

She shared a politics class with a friend of mine. They had some kind of presentation to do about something, I don't know what. The important thing is that it was a normal presentation. Just words, maybe a diagram or a slide. But DaGirl had bigger plans.

She did an interpretive dance.

No words, though I suspect it had a title probably including the word diaspora, just dancing. My friend's imitation of her interpretation was incredibly funny to spiteful old me. It was a kind of choreographed upright epilepsy, the imitation was. I'm still staggered thinking about someone doing an interpretive dance in a class like that. Imagine me getting up in front of my cellular biology class and saying, "My presentation concerns the Krebs Cycle. Please view my interpretive dance with an open mind." Then I'd have to go wheeling around the room taking people's hats and giving to someone else from whom I would steal a pen and so on.

But I think maybe I'm just amazed that this person continues to be so amazingly bizarre.

Because I'm perfectly normal.

Posted by dotty at September 17, 2003 05:16 PM