As you may have guessed, my dogs are important to me. You may also have guessed that my dogs have worlds of their own and their observations are frequently communicated to me and to BrilliantEditor.
I should make it clear that this isn't a Son of Sam kind of talking dog issuing commands that we must follow. Oh no no no. It's just the kind of talking dog who has very expressive eyes, an extraordinary ability to use body language, and some kind of ego-maniacal personality disorder.
For example.
Spring likes to eat. She is given a pig ear at 9:00 or so each night. Each night she arrives at my feet around 8:30 and stares at me. She lets me pet her, but if I stop, she walks around jingling her collar tags and comes back to look up at me and remind me that it's time to eat the specialest treat in the whole world. So this is how Spring's evening talk goes (words within square brackets are said more softly and in a slighter deeper voice):
(Walks down stairs)La la nice to see you.
You look nice. [clock]
I'm so happy that you're here. [feed]
I like your petting. [pork]
Ahhh, you pet nice. [treat]
Have you seen Sprocket? [no treat for her]
She must be far away. [more for me]
I wish you'd pet me.
And have you noticed what a good job I'm doing lying gently at your feet? [now]
And Sprocket is equally persuasive:
Claws come ticking across the floorHello! I'm here because I like you! I have a very pink tongue and I like to prove that I have a very pink tongue so I have my mouth open a lot and when I don't have my mouth open, my teeth almost always stick out in the front and sometimes when I sleep the tip of my tongue sticks out and I also use my tongue to taste pig ears which are very good for me.
They keep me plump like a piggy and I made cool snorty noises and I like to burrow to keep warm and sometimes people are in the things I like to burrow in and they think I'm great and is it time to have a pig ear now? No? Oh. Okay. Um, how about now? No? Maybe now? No? Wow. Hey, Spring says to ask if now is good. So now?
I think I'm particularly concerned about others understanding that my dogs don't talk to us directly because they might do it someday soon. They appear to be taking voice lessons. And they seem to be able to read. Not well or anything, but you start with One Fish, Two Fish and you know the world's going to hell in Toto's basket.
Posted by dotty at November 20, 2003 10:44 PMYou and those dogs of yours scare me missy. That's just strange.
-Tex
Posted by: Tex at November 22, 2003 06:59 PM
[It has come to our attention that a human female in a land called I-tha-ka has divined the ways of dogspeak and has attempted to transmit this revelation to the humankind. She must be stopped. If the humans learn how we have trained them to house our brethren and feed us pork products then our grand plan to dominate this world lies in jeopardy. We must distract the human female from further research into our infiltration. Perhaps a vision of a blonde-haired alien siren will suffice...]
It would be cool if youu could ACCTUALY speak to dog and know what they are saying!
Posted by: Ana at December 30, 2003 09:00 PM