April 22, 2004
so so sad
I've been feeling a bit blue lately. BrilliantEditor asks me what he can do to make it better, and I honestly have no idea. Well, had no idea.
Earlier this week I started remembering times in middle school. Middle school is no barrel of laughs for anyone, but these memories were really distressing me. I'd get all teary thinking about them. I thought, "Hey, maybe being sad and these things have something to do with each other!"
Do you think so?
So what was so distressing?
1. I had to sit alone at lunch sometimes. Now it doesn't seem like a big deal, but then, whoooooooooeeeeee. Not a good thing. It's a gut-wrenching trial to find a place to sit alone at lunch in middle school. Even a pity seat is better than sitting alone. You've seen those little-ish girls at the mall, a big posse of them? I think I would have given anything to be one of them, but I wouldn't have known what to do. I would have said something weird.
2. Kids broke my stuff. I had one of those pencils that have lots of presharpened leads in it--the kind where, when the lead gets dull, you pull the dull thing out, stick it in the top, and the new, sharp one comes out? Sure you know. They broke all but one lead off of my pencil so I had to take each one out and then see it was broken and then take the next one out...they snickered. Little bastards. (It's kind of funny in concept, though. I must say.)
3. Kids hid my stuff. One of the pencil lead offenders liked to steal my purse and hide it in the bottom of the trash can. He'd tell me where it was and then yell, "Trash picker!" Well, duh. (He was occasionally laughed at for walking around with a purse. Ha ha!)
4. Teachers made fun of me. Our "home and career skills" teacher scolded me for "telling on" the trash yeller and said, "Why, Dotty, I thought you'd remember your homework, especially since you told on Dwayne!" (I still don't like her.) Then there was the gym teacher who suggested that, to improve my gym grade (we got a damned grade!) I should take aerobics. I did. I got a better grade. She sucked at aerobics.
So, sad story telling over, I've decided that my blue times have been because I've been feeling like I've been figuratively eating alone. Like I've not been invited or something. BUT! Two wonderful things come out of this:
1. I know why, or at least have attributed a reason as to why I've been feeling sad, and now I can take care of it.
2. Middle school sucks, but I actually don't care anymore. When I told BrilliantEditor about this stuff, I cried and cried. Now I think that middle school is a cruel, alternate universe. Were're not talking about Alice falling down a rabbit hole. We are, once again, talking about the Twilight Zone. (make the little doodeedoodoo sound right here)
