May 12, 2004
mini golf
When I heard about it I thought I was going to vomit. I still think I might. BrilliantEditor went out for beer to cool his head down. I asked him to get me cigarettes, too. He said they were out of my favorite brand, though. Sigh. Another vice averted.
But that's really neither here nor there. The thing that made me feel so sick was that I heard there might be a mini golf course going into a place just a little bit up the street.
No!
I say no in the most strenuous of ways. I say, "No way is that crap coming any nearer to me than it has to." I say, "I will not have pink and green and blue lights shining down on a windmill surrounded by drunken fraternity boys." I say, "I will not have small children drop their ice cream and scream loudly enough that I can hear them in my house!" I say, "No. Please, God. Really. I want to move. This is horrible. It's trashy. They play music over loudspeakers. We'll never be able to sell our house. I might get even crazier than I already am. Please, God, please."
Is it selfish to pray to God for things like this? If I thought there was an interventionist God who had a limited amount of time on his hands then yes, it would be selfish. Instead, I don't know what to believe and so take willpower! I will make it impossible for these people to build!
So what's so bad about these things? It's series of monuments to capitalism and what's made this country great!
Lies.
As we know, however, this country ain't so great and capitalism isn't all it's cracked up to be.
The tinny music being played at 11:00pm and then being started again at 11:00am will be a bad thing. I imagine that I will grind my teeth into flat, stumpy nubbins. And they will hurt.
My fury is slowly fading. It's taken more than an hour for the fury to cool down to gently boiling outrage. In my nightmares tonight I will see baboons playing croquet. I will see topiary in the shape of golf tees. I will see little men handing out ice cream cones with those multi-colored rubbery golf balls on the top instead of ice cream.
I picked out a few websites for you. One's about Jesus playing golf. I have a thing about Jesus on the golf course. I think it's good for him to take a walk and maybe give something a good whack. He might have some displaced anger in him somewhere. So here's the golf course for Jesus.
And of course, to every cloud there is a silver lining. I found this fun game. Note that it's from mobilehome.net. Mobile homes may not always be trashy, but to have the two associated so closely brings them close to being unredeemable, despite the fact that there's nothing wrong with mobility or its having a home. Nevertheless, the game is cool.
Posted by dotty at May 12, 2004 09:56 PM